Sunday, March 3, 2013

Pathetic Fallacy

A "pathetic fallacy" is a literary device, whereby the author uses the weather to reflect the mood of the protagonist. My recovery has been very much reflected by the changes in weather as of late. Some days I feel brighter, a bit more energetic - like the sunny, crisp winter days we have had. On an "up" note, I am seeing my hair come back. Funny, I was more excited to see the return of my eyebrows than anything else. That little bit of definition on my face makes me feel less like a cancer patient, and more like myself! But the sunny days are often punctuated by grey weather and strong winds. As some of you know, my last day of treatment was overshadowed by a potential new lump. Talk about a swift moving storm! It took my breath away to realize how little control anyone really has over this situation. Thankfully, that gale blew over quickly, as the ultrasounds revealed nothing of concern. A more lingering shadow comes in the form of the peripheral neuropathy (nerve damage) that continues to plague me. This is likely to fade over time... so it requires ongoing patience. I have not seen any significant improvement since it arrived 10 weeks ago. In order to help me with the pain/tingling/burning in my hands and feet, I have been prescribed a long list of medications: sixteen pills a day. So the February/March winter weather truly reflects the ups and downs of recovery. Lots of grey, cloudy skies, interrupted by sunshine at times. Getting through this period of recovery is tough slogging at times. I want to be back on my feet, to return to life as it was before cancer...but there is no rushing this process. All I can do is continue to wait for full healing and trust that the purposes set out for this time in my life will be achieved. The weather of my walk continues to be unpredictable, and I can only kneel in submission to the One who is the source of strength, step by step. "The Eternal should be honored and revered; He has heard my cries for help. The Eternal is the source of my strength and the shield that guards me. When I learn to rest and truly trust Him, He send His help. This is why my heart is singing! I open my mouth to praise Him, and thankfulness rises as song. The Eternal gives life and power to all His chosen ones; to his anointed He is a sturdy fortress. Rescue your people, and bring prosperity to your legacy, may they know you as a shepherd, carrying them at all times." (Psalm 28, 6 - 9, The Voice).

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