I am a few days shy of the 3 month post-treatment mark. It feels wonderful to be putting more time and distance between chemo & radiation, and my daily experience. When I compare these photos, it is hard to connect with the first picture. I find myself asking "Did I really look like that?!" Of course I did; it just feels so foreign as compared to where I find myself now only 5 months after the final chemo treatment.
My recovery is not completely in a forward motion, though, and I have to continue being patient with my body and its ssslllooooowww regeneration. I am still dealing with fatigue from the radiation therapy, and with the impact of peripheral neuropathy. My hands and feet are usually quite painful by the end of the day, but at least I am able to be up and around more. My recovery plan keeps getting modified as the nerve damage lingers, so I am learning to tune into what my body is telling me about my day-to-day activities, in order to prevent permanent damage. For now, I see enough forward motion that I feel optimistic about the healing process, and continue to anticipate a day when I am fully free of both the nerve damage and breast cancer.
I will have a few detours along the way to putting this behind me, though. My oncologist suggested I complete genetic testing to ensure that I was not a carrier of the 2 known breast & ovarian cancer genetic mutations. If I carried them, I would have to make some decisions about surgery to prevent the likely return of breast cancer, and the onset of ovarian cancer.(There may be more mutations related to these cancers, but at this point, scientists can only clearly identify these 2). I received my results a few weeks ago, and it is a good news/uncertain news scenario. The good news is that I do not carry the specific mutations known to create breast and ovarian cancer. WHEW! The uncertain news is that a different rare mutation was discovered in those particular genes. It is so rare, that scientists have not found a large enough pool of patients to study it. At this point, it is assumed to be benign, and nothing to worry about.
I must admit I felt unsettled by the discovery of a rare genetic mutation. What if it's not benign? What if, down the road, it is linked to cancer or other serious health issues? How do I make decisions with such weak data??
When faced with uncertainty, I have learned to pray, and to turn to Scripture. This passage from Psalm 139 has long been a favourite of mine, but in light of these test results, these verses are all the more precious to me:
"O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them." (v. 1 - 5; 13 - 16)
There is nothing in my circumstances that are a surprise to God. He has "hemmed" me in from the beginning of my life, and knows every detail of every cell and DNA pattern that I have. Because I can trust Him and his plans, I can rest in knowing He is with me, and has his hand on all aspects of my life. The uncertainties of life, including a rare genetic mutation, do not overcome God's faithfulness and his all encompassing grace He provides to live fully and abundantly. That is where peace is found (at least for me!)
And then there are all the good people placed in my life that are cheering me on to the finish line. A wonderful friend and neighbour who has been on the same journey keeps encouraging me to look forward to a time when all this will be a distant memory, and all the details of treatment, side effects and cancer itself will be hard to recall. She inspires me and I am so appreciative of her support and example. I have so much for which I am thankful: a husband who supports and encourages and continues to love me through every moment of this experience. Family who are always at hand - sister, parents, children, nieces - even grandchildren who light up our days! Colleagues who continue to write, call and visit... Friends from all over the country who support us with love and food and listening ears. Life is rich and full, and I am so thankful for all the blessings that fill my life.
My recovery is not completely in a forward motion, though, and I have to continue being patient with my body and its ssslllooooowww regeneration. I am still dealing with fatigue from the radiation therapy, and with the impact of peripheral neuropathy. My hands and feet are usually quite painful by the end of the day, but at least I am able to be up and around more. My recovery plan keeps getting modified as the nerve damage lingers, so I am learning to tune into what my body is telling me about my day-to-day activities, in order to prevent permanent damage. For now, I see enough forward motion that I feel optimistic about the healing process, and continue to anticipate a day when I am fully free of both the nerve damage and breast cancer.
I will have a few detours along the way to putting this behind me, though. My oncologist suggested I complete genetic testing to ensure that I was not a carrier of the 2 known breast & ovarian cancer genetic mutations. If I carried them, I would have to make some decisions about surgery to prevent the likely return of breast cancer, and the onset of ovarian cancer.(There may be more mutations related to these cancers, but at this point, scientists can only clearly identify these 2). I received my results a few weeks ago, and it is a good news/uncertain news scenario. The good news is that I do not carry the specific mutations known to create breast and ovarian cancer. WHEW! The uncertain news is that a different rare mutation was discovered in those particular genes. It is so rare, that scientists have not found a large enough pool of patients to study it. At this point, it is assumed to be benign, and nothing to worry about.
I must admit I felt unsettled by the discovery of a rare genetic mutation. What if it's not benign? What if, down the road, it is linked to cancer or other serious health issues? How do I make decisions with such weak data??
When faced with uncertainty, I have learned to pray, and to turn to Scripture. This passage from Psalm 139 has long been a favourite of mine, but in light of these test results, these verses are all the more precious to me:
"O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them." (v. 1 - 5; 13 - 16)
There is nothing in my circumstances that are a surprise to God. He has "hemmed" me in from the beginning of my life, and knows every detail of every cell and DNA pattern that I have. Because I can trust Him and his plans, I can rest in knowing He is with me, and has his hand on all aspects of my life. The uncertainties of life, including a rare genetic mutation, do not overcome God's faithfulness and his all encompassing grace He provides to live fully and abundantly. That is where peace is found (at least for me!)
And then there are all the good people placed in my life that are cheering me on to the finish line. A wonderful friend and neighbour who has been on the same journey keeps encouraging me to look forward to a time when all this will be a distant memory, and all the details of treatment, side effects and cancer itself will be hard to recall. She inspires me and I am so appreciative of her support and example. I have so much for which I am thankful: a husband who supports and encourages and continues to love me through every moment of this experience. Family who are always at hand - sister, parents, children, nieces - even grandchildren who light up our days! Colleagues who continue to write, call and visit... Friends from all over the country who support us with love and food and listening ears. Life is rich and full, and I am so thankful for all the blessings that fill my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment