Sometimes it's tiring.

This morning, after cleaning out, feeding and watering our chickens and Quail in the pouring rain (poor birds), I came back in for a coffee and sitting beside Cindi, I asked her how she was. She looked at me and quietly said, "I'm tired of being sick." So hard to hear those words and know that although we are half way there, we still have 6 1/2 weeks to go and 4 more treatments. And from the look in her eyes, I can see that this is hard! Yes, it is tiring for my beautiful wife to manage simple things like food when she is nauseous or getting through the day spending time reading or watching a favorite show when just months before she had a demanding job and schedule and a vibrant schedule. It's tiring wondering what people think of you when you have no hair and look "different". It all takes a toll. Ever feel this way? Ever feel like you're not in control of things and it drains you of all your energy and joy? Ever try to wish away the trials that you're in? I do. We all do. Problem is that they never seem to magically disappear when you want them to. But...they do pass.

However, in the midst of the "tiredness" there are moments of wonderful comfort! Silly friends drop by with silly gifts and words of comfort and stories of "normal", trying on head scarves together and having a good chuckle. Friends deliver lasagnas with about an inch of cheese on the top that tastes like a little bit of heaven and is simply wonderful. People reach out and with their actions and words say - "Hang in there. We love you. You can do this." And we can do this. Each of us is wired up to do whatever it is we are doing. Perhaps we could let go of some of the fringe busy things and make life a little more simple. But we can bite the bullet and rely on each other and the wonderful support of "community" - those people in our lives who hold our hands. So today we will put our heads down and move forward. We ask each other to pray for the things we need, hoping in that support for answers from a loving God. We look forward to the "good moments" and squeeze every bit of goodness out of them like a warm bath with Egyptian jasmine salts to make her feel better - restored - renewed.

Thank you for your continued prayers for my most beautiful wife. She will need them more now than ever as she begins this journey to the end of treatment...the end of tiredness...the end of being sick. Know that we appreciate and love each of you for the sacrifices you have made of your time, your food and your prayers. They are appreciated more than you can imagine. We will continue to hold Jesus' hand in this and let Him guide the way. We will tell Him daily about the beautiful friends and family we have and how they are so appreciated. We will see this through to the end and (in tiredness) we will celebrate the good that has touched us on this journey. Peace and grace to each of you as you each walk your own paths... Oh...and could someone pray for this rain to go away?

...a post from Cindi

A tribute to my husband: Since the BC diagnosis, so many things have changed. Life has been interrupted in so many ways, big and small. From being off work, (big change) to struggling on some days to just make a cup of tea, my daily life has its ups and downs. However, there has been one constant along the way: the love and support of my husband. He has told me over and over again "I am here with you. I am not going anywhere." And then he sets about the many tasks that I can't do on certain days. That cup of tea to settle my roiling stomach? Made. Floor needs vacuuming? No problem. Dusting, preparing for visitors, making meals, walking the dogs.... All done with such love and tenderness and concern. I worry about the big load he is shouldering between the demands of work, home and now caring for a spouse with serious limitations some days....and I am so grateful he is here. What would I do without this wonderful guy?! So please join me today in sending him some encouraging words...Cindi

a note from Cindi

Reached the halfway point in treatment today. 4 down, 4 to go. Each one gets more challenging to manage: more nausea, severe heartburn, really really tired a lot. And my eyes have been affected too. BUT the doc has provided more meds to help alleviate the discomforts along the way. So I am hopeful that this latest treatment will be better than the last one, if only because I can keep myself better hydrated. As I was walking the dogs through a meadow tonight, I couldn't help but marvel at this thought: Emmanuel, God with us. As I struggle through this season of my journey, I am comforted by the knowledge that God "gets" my infirmities, and is my source of strength in my hour of need.

I love how Paul puts it in Hebrews 4: "14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven,[f] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Thanks so much for your support, encouraging notes, visits, food... The love shared with us in this way is an expression of God's grace to Pete and I.

One Tough Lady!!

So, yesterday (Tuesday) Cindi heads off to the hospital with her sister for her blood tests and her meeting with her oncologist and nurse and updates. She shares with them that she's been very nauseous through this last two weeks and experiencing tons of heartburn with water drinking and a little dehydrated. They asked her why she hadn't called in and she said simply - because. They asked some more questions and then asked Cindi to describe what would be a really bad day - one where she might call in to the hospital. Cindi replied, "That would be when I am constantly at the toilet throwing up all day."

The nurse and doctor were amazed at Cindi's stamina, and her perseverance through some tough and uncomfortable side effects and not complain. They said her tolerance levels were amazing! When asked if she was using her backup meds to work with the side effects Cindi said no. She had done some studies on some of those back up meds and doesn't want the side effects they can result in (weird tics or a tongue sticking out). She says that facial tic and protruding tongues are a deal breaker for her. Both the nurse and the oncologist smiled and said that she had an amazing attitude to this whole process and they were very impressed with what a tough lady she is! They usually take blood on the Tuesday before chemo. Now as you may remember, Cindi has a portacath under the skin that they use to access her veins for blood draws and chemo giving. Well the portacath was plugged up and wouldn't work. They did some x-rays and then used a chemical (they described it as a type of human grade "drano" to unplug it and get back to business. It worked. I wasn't paying full attention to Cindi when she said they used drano on her and I nearly came out of my skin but she explained it was not drano but drano-like and safe for humans. I need to learn to listen better.

My poor amazing wife! Poked, prodded, stuck with needles, x-rayed, cat-scanned and filled with strange concoctions. So brave, so wonderfully strong. So amazing!!! Please, if you feel up to it, pause and pray for Cindi today as she gets her fourth chemo (the last of the first round and a special halfway milepost in the journey). Peace and grace to you on the road you are on.

Fall is here!

Fall is definitely here and the weather cooling down. I've blown leaves off my yard and deck several times and off the roof of our home (cottage) twice. Crazy but I like it. Cindi has been tired by the end of each afternoon. She's a real trooper and right now looks like someone who is running a fifty kilometre race and is at kilometre marker 22. She's got her head down and is pushing forward. It's still hard to stand beside her as she does this road but...there's nowhere else I would want to be right now.

Had an awesome few hours with Matt and Chels and the kids last Saturday as went out to collect some pumpkins and have some fun together. These little trips are important to Cindi and family has become so precious. Making memories one event at a time. Running the race one day at a time. Praying and walking in "the way".

Today is a good day!

Today is a good day. Cindi is feeling better and the kids, our kids and grandchildren came over for a visit. Just thought I'd share a bit about our kids. Here they are.

Chris, Chelsea, Finn, Matt and Ireland

Ireland Chelsea and Jessica

Jason and Jessica

Finn

Ireland... It's wonderful to have family and to feel the love that sits in the middle of all of that. Nothing quite compares. This is something we are incredibly thankful for! Peace.